Eid crying at the traffic light

I won't lie to you, I can't help but feel a bit sad on Eid.

Sad that the month of Ramadan and its blessings has come to an end and that I haven't made the most of it.

But also sad that I never get to spend it with my entire family. As a single mother living in a foreign country, I can either:

• Spend a few hours with my daughter until she goes to her dad's side 

Or

• Fly abroad and be with my side of the family, but separated from her

I'm not one to often feel lonely, Allah has given me the strength to see the benefits in being far from my family. I find solace in Him in the loneliness,

But there are two days during which I find it hard to not feel sad and those are the two days of Eid.

So this year, after taking my beloved daughter out for lunch, I felt the avalanche of tears overtake me while driving home and I just decided to embrace it all and cry at the traffic light.

My Zahra, ecstatic about the Eid gift I had just given her, didn't even notice anything (I'm a silent crier, if that's even a thing).

Which made me feel even more comfortable dropping the Strong Woman mask for a bit.

If you've spent Eid alone or deprived from the presence of loved ones and you have felt the same pinch in your heart, I'm just here to remind you that it's okay to feel sad.

As long as the sadness is followed with the comfort that comes with knowing that Allah is there for you.

I heard a story that helped me put things into perspective recently:

One day, two brothers had a car accident, one of them passed away and the other survived. 

When the mother heard the devastating news, she said:

"Alhamdulillah, Allah has left me one"

That's the type of mindset I want to adopt from now on. In times of loss, I want to rush into seeing what Allah has still blessed me with.

I want to be amongst those who always feel like Allah has given them too much and who never feel deprived. 

I want to say To Allah we belong and to Him we return! with firm conviction in my heart.

All of that, without necessarily repressing the emotions that He blesses me with.

May He make us amongst those who can always read the language of His love for us,

Eid Mubarak my dear,

Soumaya